Thanks to a proverbial and cultural overload of social media, information and culture, today’s society is having a difficult time adjusting to the growing focus on self-care, wellness and mental health.
One could argue that the aforementioned factors have greatly contributed to a collective breakdown of societal norms and values, as well as the disintegration of wellness and one’s own mental well-being. Despite all of these, there is now an overdue and renewed focus on building a more positive life, protection of one’s own energy and focus. One such individual who is helping in addressing these issues in her own way is Vanessa Ferlaino.
Ferlaino, who is a multi-award-winning author of Human, speaker, producer/host of The Human Challenge on the Fireside App, founded by Mark Cuban and Falon Fatemi, is also a philanthropist and founder of The Being Human Foundation, and certified 200hr meditation instructor on Insight Timer. If there is anyone who could provide any form of expert insight into wellness, it would be her.
Below is my Q and A with Ms. Ferlaino as we talk about the current state of mental health in this country, where our society and culture is now due to it and how we can change, heal and grow from it.
How would you describe the current state of mental affairs and wellness?
Industrialized and commoditized, but on the brink of a breakthrough.
Mental health is certainly not as stigmatized as it once was, and many organizations are stepping up, but, as we live in a capital system, we are seeing mental health and wellness become industrialized and commoditized.
This means two things:
Firstly, this capital system perpetuates the notion that “something is wrong with us” and we will always need some product or service to “fix us” because we “always need to be fixed”. This goes against the whole intention of mental wellbeing which, from a mindfulness perspective, is really about honouring who we are as a “whole” and what we perceive to be as “imperfections”.
To truthfully embody our wellbeing in a mindful way is to accept who we are for “what” we are, for “how” we are, for “why” we are, without needing to “fix” things; we simply are aware of how things make us feel physiologically, physically, psychologically in the body, and honor that experience, and over time and consistent mindfulness, that experience changes to something more joyful.
Secondly, it also means that much of the cultural significance has been lost, and I think the more we are exposed to stories and hardships of police brutality, racism, etc. The more we can see how cultural dynamics are suppressed, the more we want to understand cultures, perspectives, ways of life, philosophies to contribute to a system that is more equitable.
With this comes the acknowledgment that there are many voices that are not heard, that do not have the opportunity to be heard. And so, we can then ensure that we are in our communities or even organizations (ex. from a diversity, equity, and inclusion perspective) giving these members the space and time to tell us what they need, so it can be implemented without imposition.
The breakthrough comes from our growing awareness as a society of our susceptibility to these dynamics and our ability to see that many organizations have the privilege of hiding behind a facade of “diversity equity and inclusion” and “wellness”. This has only increased our expectations of organizations to act truthfully and intentionally. And so, we turn to those people that are taking action to do things differently and lead by example in their communities, whether it be non-profits or even small local businesses, which is what we want.
When we support these community organizations, we are more likely to see direct change in our communities and support many of the cultures that are consistently repressed. Thus, our wellbeing becomes less commoditized and industrialized, and more authentic, intentional, and about working together for our collective well being.
What do you think has contributed to the proverbial psychological breakdown of our society and culture.
I witness a lot of unrest in our world right now. Socially, equitably, and even technologically. We are tired of the structure of society, and I think we’re in a place where most of us now see it and understand it better than before. Many of our parents and grandparents did not have the technology and education to fully understand the lattice system we live in, but we are now in a time where that is different.
We have access to information, stories, news, from all over; we have the ability to communicate and connect with each other instantly and whenever we want. We are exposed to so much more and quite frequently, to the extent where we are inundated with it.
Yes, it can be overwhelming, and yes, while it has helped in this regard, I do simultaneously believe that technology and social media is also partly responsible for this psychological breakdown we experience; it is quite easy to project things we are not, the life we think we are living versus the life we are actually living, the desire and attachment to material things and “chasing likes” versus “valuing connection”.
On the one hand, we are able to see more of the world, but it has been at the expense of authentically interacting and experiencing the world; technology has changed the way we communicate with each other, the way we value each other, and our experiences of the world and life. So somehow, while the authenticity of what we experience is challenged through how social media is shaping our communication, by sheer accessibility to data and information, it has also given us insight into our individual worth in society, as well as our collective worth as a society — and the current system does not serve us.
And now, we know the system does not empower us.
We have broken down because we want change.
However, because we don’t see or know the path forward when we are in a state like this, we tend to just continue to give in. We do the same old because it’s all we know, all we’ve been taught to know, and here we are…
What we need to remember is that we have the power to create that difference.
If we can be mindful of what we put out into the world around us with every word, every glance, every step, even every thought, we would be actively contributing to the creation of a society where we can all thrive.
This is the force of creation and destruction.
What drew you to create the Human Challenge show?
The Human Challenge LIVE on Fireside was created for that exact purpose. To explore the human challenges in today’s world — a world where the lines between technology, social media, and life continue to be blurred, and the challenges of being human because of those things, how our innate ability to be human, the human experience itself— and how we experience the human experience — has evolved. Ultimately, we ask how we can challenge ourselves to be human for the greater good, amongst it all. If we can offer different perspectives and different conversations, hopefully we can encourage people to challenge what they know, ask themselves and others questions, and be a bit more intentional in what they contribute to the creation of their own life and the world around them.
I chose the Fireside app to host the show because of its interactive ability… on this platform, audiences can tune in live and actually participate in the show! They can be brought on the stage with the guests and speak with the experts and me! It’s incredibly intuitive and there is access to so many other channels … it is the next wave of experiencing entertainment! If you can’t tune in live, you can also watch it on-demand on the app or listen on your favorite podcast channel.
How would you best describe “the full human experience “
To live the full human experience is to embrace every part of who you are — every up, every down, every high, every low, and all of the in between… to ride the wave of the full human experience.
To embrace it is to accept it all for what it is… to live in a state where we can be open to all of that we feel, to attend to it, to honor and respect it for what it is. All of these things that make us human — to feel, to laugh, to hurt, to cry, to speak and think… This is the human experience. And when we are mindful and attentive to all of these components of life, we are reminded that life is worth living — not for the material things, but for life itself.
The specifics for each of us will be different; we are all on your own journey. But we will experience the same things in different context — pain is pain, loss is loss, happiness is happiness, joy is joy, love is love… this is the human experience.
This can be challenging sometimes … it is hard to be open to tougher and more raw emotions and experiences … fear and ego try to protect us…. But even opening ourselves up to that, acknowledging that that protection is also an attempt of love, and embracing the fact that it is a challenge can still allow us to continue to embrace the full human experience…
I am a certified 200hr mindfulness meditation instructor… in our circles, we talk a lot about “holding space” for all of this that arises — the many contradictions, the many oxymorons, the many things that create beauty, wonder, amazement, curiosity, are the same things that can also create our suffering… how do we hold space for it all? To hold that space is to allow and to embrace for it all, and that is to hold space for the full human experience.
The true magic with this is that once we honor this in ourselves, we honor this in each other.
Because we are all human. We are all finding ways to hold space for it all, and as humanity, we should be grateful that we have each other to lean on when we need more space.
To elevate one of us is to elevate each of us. It is to elevate all of us.
For those who don’t know, tell us about your organization, The Being Human Foundation
The Being Human Foundation acts at the intersection of mindfulness and meditation; arts and culture; and community activism. At our core, we believe these three pillars are what empower us individually and collectively. Through mindfulness and meditation, and exploring its vast cultural origins, we can develop what is termed “unity consciousness”, the acknowledgment of the interconnectedness nature of humanity. Through the general celebration of arts and culture, we can celebrate each other, and experience the lives of others, to find ways to bring different communities together. Lastly, we can give back to our communities to enhance this collective feeling of unity consciousness and build that structure of society we are all interested in changing.
We are getting excited to share some new initiatives we are finalizing, but we are currently partnered with The Lab of Meditation to support community mindfulness meditation sessions. We are grateful for any contributions. You can support the foundation by donating on our website at vanessaferlaino.com/thebeinghumanfoundation or indirectly by purchasing my book, Human, on Amazon. 5% of book sales go to the foundation.
As a certified 200 hr meditation instructor, what tips would you have for someone hoping to get more into it and seek better wellness for themselves?
Turn inward. When we decide to be aware of this journey we are on (because we are already on this journey, so we never “start” it… the only thing that “begins” is our awareness of it), it seems daunting. Many of us don’t know where to begin, and then we’re left exploring the multitude and overwhelming options in an industrialized community.
But all you really need is you.
To be truthful to yourself. To be open to yourself. To be there for yourself.
So turn inward.
Gently close your eyes.
Find the breath.
Feel it move through your nostrils and down into the lungs and back out.
Feel the expansion of the abdomen when you inhale, and the compression when you exhale.
Feel the space you have created within.
This is the space to hold it all.
The space for all to arise and pass as needed.
When you are overwhelmed, uncertain, lost, or experiencing any other tender moment, find your breath. That is your anchor. Use it to find that inner union in the body. When your body and breath are in harmony, your mind follows suit.
Much of our thoughts are stories that we have been conditioned to believe. Most times, these are just patterns that we’ve outgrown, just haven’t realized it. When we calm the mind, we see thoughts for what they are and realize we don’t believe many of them and most are just reactions and patterns that we’re used to having. It takes time to see this, so I offer it here as a gentle reminder when things might be tougher and you may need some extra comfort or reinforcement.
When the mind is calm, we have space to feel. It can be overwhelming … and that’s ok. It is actually a great thing when things come up — and they will! They arise because they need to be released. And the release continues to create more space. It is a cycle. Things will come up for you. Be patient with yourself. Remember you don’t have to address any of it — it is really about holding space and allowing for it to be there. To witness it and let it pass. For anyone who has experienced trauma or other deep mental health, please take care to practice with a guide or teacher who is trauma-informed.
This is the true importance of self-care. When things come up and pass, be mindful to how you feel after. Tired. Drained. Exhausted, but maybe still energized? Take care of yourself. Drink water. Eat your favorite foods that fuel you. This is self-care — the “commitment to yourself when things are hard.” These words I borrow from my friend, Hiro Demichelis, founder of the lab of mediation and consultant to the UN Peace on Purpose Project. She shared these beautiful words on Episode 1 of my show, The Human Challenge, LIVE and on-demand on Fireside.
Finding your community is also important, especially if you choose meditation as your course of action. I personally love the Insight Timer app… you can access many free meditations and join communities with your favorite guides. You can find some of my own mindfulness meditations on the app as well.
So in summary, for anyone seeking to fully acknowledge their well-being and make more conscious actions around their well-being, meditation and self-care are what i offer to you Meditation is best practiced in the morning, first thing, on an empty stomach. And then self-care as needed. And be sure to take some to find your community thru the many tools and events and groups available.
Any final thoughts and comments you wish to add about mediation, seeking wellness and being human?
And take it slow. Pause. Breathe. When mindfulness goes beyond meditation; mindfulness is really about that — staying mindful. Being aware of what is coming up. Tending to our emotions and feelings and thoughts, slowing down, and finding insight as to why they are there. Through that insight, we free these old belief systems, thought patterns, and conditioning, and create our well-being.
So slow down. Before you act or speak or move. Just pause. Find the breath. Find joy. Find freedom.
Special thanks to our friends at Publicity Today, Ms. Vanessa Ferlaino for their help, time and assistance during this interview.